fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
