he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
