You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
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when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
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I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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