oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
