I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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