Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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