I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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