Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
