So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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