I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
