Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
