hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
