How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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