Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
