R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
