i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
FUCK WHALES
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
