I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
