Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
