i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
