Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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