Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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