When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
