she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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