Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
