just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
No subtext here. People are naked.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
