She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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