im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
