Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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