You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
