well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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