she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
