Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
