And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
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If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
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It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize