I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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