ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
