She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
