I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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