I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
