Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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