wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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