were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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