hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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