My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's shark week go big or go home
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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