I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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