Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
