Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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