She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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