I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
