How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
