I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
