i used baking grease as lip gloss
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
