Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Boobs speak an international language.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
