My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
