Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
