Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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