): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
