Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
