i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
