Your face is a jimmy john
I met the friendliest cop last night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
