There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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