I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
