All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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