now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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