Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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