I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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