Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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