oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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