whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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