high people should be assigned attendants
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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