Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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