Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
