Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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