I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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