what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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