I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
