I can text with my tongue
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
